Bridals

The wife and I are not from Utah originally. While we enjoy living here, we are often fascinated by the idiosychrocies of the Utah culture. One thing that we just don't quite get is Bridals. You know, the photos the bride takes in her dress before the wedding to be displayed at the wedding where you have a live version of the bride in the same dress. You don't really see that outside of Utah...except for maybe Idaho.

While we were eating dinner at Cindy Ree's and enjoying the entertainment by the Main Street Squatters just outside the window, we see a bride with photogs in tow. I guess she was going for an urban backdrop, complete with Trax train, and the squatters were quite the addition.

A Bed of Flowers

Something that really fascinates me as I stroll around our fine city is how people just curl up and take a nap wherever they are. While my brother was driving through town a few weeks ago, he noticed the same thing. As we ate breakfast, he was fascinated by a guy who was curled up on the grass by the sidewalk just outside the restaurant, and also by the fact that the cops weren't waking him up and sending him on his way like they do in most other cities.

I'm sure this won't be the last photo of a random napper, but this photo does have one of the best stories. Yesterday we decided to spend the afternoon in Park City. Pinky was going to follow us up there in her car, so after we pulled out of the parking garage we stopped on the side of the road to call her. As I was dialing, the wife pointed out that this guy was relieving himself...on himself. That's right, he was peeing on himself. We didn't see any private parts, he was just lifting his pants at the belt and we could see the stream coming out and arching up to his stomach. Um, really?!?

Then, without missing a beat, he fluffed his bum bag, and curled up for a nap. Apparently this was not a bed FOR flowers, it was a bed OF flowers. We would've gotten a photo of the pisser in action, but we were both pretty shocked and grossed out and had a delayed photo reaction.

Cruisin'

I'm thinking this guy either has too much time on his hands, or spends too much time on his bike. But with a seat like that, he is cruisin' in style. I'm sure all of his Main Street squatter friends think he is straight up dope.

Seriously, So FUNNY!

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have much of a sense of humor. Which is why I Seriously love the blog SeriouslySoBlessed.blogspot.com. I have never seen anyone capture the humor of the Blonde Utah Mormon Lifestyle quite like these bloggers. After you read a few posts, you'll know exactly what they're talking about. They had me at "my dad gave JJWT the diamond and then he spent tons of his pest control/security systems money on the setting I had designed in 8th grade."

Pioneer Spirit

Ok, I've been a total slacker on the blog front. I keep seeing bizarre things around town, and keep snapping those photos, but between running a business and running after a 10 month old who has me wrapped around her finger, I don't always get to the computer. I must also place some of the blame on Michael Phelps, because I (like millions of others) was transfixed by his quest for "8 for 8 in '08". But I'll try to make up for it today with multiple posts.

And for those of you who would like to contribute with all those mind boggling moments of your own, feel free to email your photos and stories at noidontplaybasketball@gmail.com...

Our first post is from a few weeks ago when we in Utah celebrated the 24th of July. While the other 49 states reserve their biggest parades and fireworks shows for the 4th of July, here in Utah America's Independence Day takes only a close second to Utah's Pioneer Day. It boasts Salt Lake's largest parade (complete with the Mailman Marching Band and floats to rival Macy's), a 'state' holiday so all the state employees can go to said parade, and festivals a fireworks that leave most of Utah saying 4th of Ju-what?

Needless to say, Utahns really get into their pioneer heritage. Now, while you're thinking 'ok, so they're just driving their covered wagon to/from the parade', let me point out that these photos were taken about six hours AFTER the parade. Apparently, in Utah Pioneer Day is so important that it's ok to wander through town for hours with your horse drawn carriage blocking traffic. This really is the place...to lose all common sense.

Elvis Speaks...at Pat's BBQ

He's not up in Michigan or out on Mars. He's in the afterlife enjoying a ham sandwich with Mama Cass.
And speaking of sandwiches, I highly recommend the pulled pork at Pat's. Not only do they make great BBQ, but it also has that backwoods, open-air feel of the BBQ joints back homewith great live music...and artwork on the walls. I think Elvis would dig it.

I Feel Pretty! Oh So Pretty!

Ok, I have a little rule that I don't show faces in the photos, mainly because I don't want to get sued. But I don't think you could get the full effect without seeing the face. So I blocked out most of his face, but you can still see the full BEARD! Yes, that is a dainty little miniskirt he's wearing. What you can't really see is the black lace under his pink blouse. Oh, and his cute little Mary Janes. Do you think anyone will tell him that he shouldn't wear pink with red?

Oh Eskimo...(Sung to the tune of James Taylor's 'Mexico')

Um, it's JULY!! Do I really need to say anymore?

Ahoy Matey!

We went to the Salt Lake International Jazz Fest this weekend to see our friend Mindy who was in town to perform there. As I was enjoying the cool bay city funk of the Tower of Power cover band I looked down to see this charming bit of blog fodder sitting right in front of me. How could I resist?

It was like Captainess Jackie Sparrow was in Salt Lake and Washington Square was the Black Pearl. I can't help but wonder if it's her very own Homage to the Deppster. But here's a thought Captainess...before you go pay the Tat Man to color in the Black Pearl, perhaps you can find a Hair Lady to color in the Black Roots. Oy!

P.S.-The concert was great, especially for those of us who can't get enough of the soulful Hammond Organ sound, and I plan to write all about it. But alas our computer has been pillaged and plundered by a virus...ARRRGGG! I'm confined to blogging from my phone until it's fixed, and the video and cool photos are on our camera which requires our ill-fated computer. Pray for us in our time of desperation. I mean, really, who knew one little piece of equipment could cause so much grief?

My Little City is Growing Up

I was up on the roof enjoying one of my favorite tranquil views of the city and it seemed like all you could see were cranes in every direction. Who knew we had that many tall cranes in the entire state? My guess is they brought in a few from Vegas. If you look closely you can see five of them over just a few short blocks. Our little city is growing up and getting a makeover in a big way. Who knows, maybe they'll make room for a few more trendy chain restaurants.

How I See Salt Lake

This is the view from my bedroom window, and how I see Salt Lake every morning. While most people would complain that their nice view of the mountains is obscured by buildings, I find it oddly cool. Being surrounded by high rise buildings (and living in one as well) makes me feel like I live in a real city. Ya ya, I know many Salt Lakers will immediately get defensive and talk about how Salt Lake is a real city, but I'm accustomed to places like New York City and San Francisco. As much I like Salt Lake City (really, I do) it's not New York City. So if you're feeling a little defensive right now, get over it. Appreciate what you have, and quit trying to be something you're not.

Shorty Gonna Be A Thug

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a good grafiti artist. But I think there's a special place down below for taggers. Call me evil but I can't wait to hear the news story about the gang banger who fell to his death while tagging a billboard or a highway sign. And while the local gang task force police like to make it sound like Salt Lake is turning into East L.A. (I think they are just trying to make themselves feel tough by talking about how hard their jobs are), the gangs in this town kinda make me laugh. They try really hard to be cool and tough. But listening to gangsta rap doth not a gangsta make ya.

So for the life of me I can't figure out why it's so important to tag an obscure column in front of the stock brokerage. Maybe Junior was feeling pretty cool with his big, green Sharpie, and wanted to mark his territory. Or maybe he thinks that stock brokers are 'the man', and Junior is just trying to get back at 'the man' for keeping him down. Do you think the mini magic marker tagging got Junior made? Maybe he's now the Don of Rose Park.

Urban Totem

What do you do with that old tree trunk if you can't afford to pay someone to remove it? Pour a little concrete base, wrap a cut up gargage can round it, put a display case on top and call it art? Not sure exactly what they were going for here, but I'm sure the hippies sitting in the coffee shop next store think it's groooovy, man!

The irony is that there is a plant nursery right next door, so I can't help but wonder what the green thumbs think about the galvanized tree next door. You think they call the baristas murderers?

Eyeball on Broadway

There's a comic book and assorted assundries store down the street from us with a giant eyeball in the window. More than a little creepy if you ask me. Cool sculpture, sure, but it makes me wonder if late at night it starts singing "Feed Me Seymour". And I think you are making a pretty bold statement about what kind of clienele you are interested in. But, then again, it is a comic book store, and while most 9 yr old boys would think a giant eyeball is cool, I don't think those 9 yr olds are the one keeping it in business. And those are the peeps that make me a little nervous.

Benefits of a Large Trunk

So I'm pulling out of the gas station this afternoon (after feeling personally violated by filling my large SUV tank) when I see a Lincoln Town Car driving down the street with its trunk open. As it passes I see this...

Yes, actually, I did vocalize the words, "What the...?" Who knows, maybe a homeless man stole the car and wanted to keep his belongings. Maybe he found the ONE cart at Walmart that doesn't have the messed up wheel that makes you run into complete strangers and keeps it in his trunk so no one else can use it. I really don't know. But I did know that no one would believe me so I followed him down the street, phone camera at the ready, until I got the perfect shot. (For the record, it took three blocks and a clueless old lady blocking the right turn lane before I got the photo.)

That's when I thought that as lily white and homogenous as this town is, I sure find myself saying "What the...?" an awful lot. Then I thought, "What the..., maybe I'll just start a blog about all the crazy and bizarre things that I see around the beehive state, because sometimes you just can't believe it without photographic proof."

So blame it on the crazy, homeless, Town Car stealing, Walmart shopper if you like, but let's start toasting all the bizarre, mind-boggling, mostly blonde, and sometimes cool things around Salt Lake.